幸福？

幸福是什么

有人说幸福是被爱

有人说幸福是有相爱的另个他

还有人说只要心中有所爱的人，那就是幸福。

幸福是什么感觉？

Sick & Tired...

This picture which I found, depicts how I am feeling exactly. I feel as if life is so meaningless. Regardless of how hard I try, no matter how much effort I  put it, I am going no where. I hope after my short trip, I will come back feeling different.

Life is so unpredictable

Life is so unpredictable. We will never know what is going to happen next to us or people around us. There is no definite no. of years we would be given to life our life. Therefore we should treasure our blessings.

Happiness

Happiness has its universal definition which can be readily find in any dictionary. But the actual definition of happiness very much depends on each individual. Some people find happiness in little things but some people don't. I think the group of people who can truely express their happiness are kids. The happiness that they expressed is from the bottom of their heart; so pure and innocent. Unfortunately, as we grow older, expressing our true feelings seems to be an extremely big challenge.

I have reached a point in my life where I start to ask myself what is true happiness. I am beginning to find my true definition of HAPPINESS. What is the key to happiness? Is it simplicity? Is it being contented? Is it being rich & famous? Is it seeing others happy and I will be? There seems to be no answer to these questions. Take for example, I see people living in undeveloped countries like Vietnam leading a simple yet happy life. I also see people living in developed countries like Singapore who are rich & famous and are very happy with their life. 2 exact opposite and yet they are happy. What is what? Which is which? I am confused.I am neither living in an undeveloped country nor rich & famous, is that the reason why I can't find my definition of true happiness?

When I was just a little girl... ...

When I was just a little girl, my dream was never to be a career or business woman. I wanted to be a homemaker. Till to date, this dream still remains. What I am doing now is totally different from this dream I had since I was a little girl. I wanted to be a homemaker not because I am lazy but because I always think that after a long day at work, if my husband comes back home, he gets to eat home cooked food and the family can have dinner together, it would be my biggest joy. I want to be the supportive woman behind my man. Be his listening ear and be the one who share his joy and sorrow, lending him my shoulder to cry on and sharing his burden. I wouldn't mind helping him in his business on top of doing all these. Silly isn't it? Well anyway, this isn't happening to me because I am still single.

Everyone of us has a dream since we were young. Some of us achieved what we inspire to be and some of us don't. We chase after what we want to or inspire to achieve but most of us do not pause to ask ourself this question "Are we happy?" Does being rich & famous makes us happier than those who are less fortunate than us? Does living in a big house filled up the empty space in our heart? Does dining at high class restaurants makes us healthier than others? Does wearing branded clothes makes us prettier than others? My answer to all these questions is no. Simplicity seems to be the key to happiness for me. Because everyday, we seem to be chasing after something that is never ending. When we have $1, we want to have $2. But when we have $2, we want to have more. So when is this going to end? All these are happening because of the society or human being? Take for example, there is a universal definition for the word "beautiful" but the definition very much depends on our interpretation and because of that more and more people are going into plastic surgery. Does the society tell us we are ugly or do we hear it from human beings?

So much said, after more than 3 decades, I begin to realise that my dream will remain a dream.

Introduction

Life is full of never ending challenges.Some come and go, some remains. I used to share my darkest secret with people I trust. But I come to realise that though the word "SECRETS" has a universal definition, it is define differently by different individuals. That is when I decided to keep everything to myself and portray a different side of me. Honestly, I hate this side of me. I hate being fake, I hate wearing masks, I hate pretending to be happy when I am not, I hate doing things I dislike because people I love wants me to.

Having "fight" so many "life challenges", I have reach a point in my life where I begin to ask myself what is the purpose, what do I want to achieve, what have I achieved so far and the meaning of life. It is through asking myself this question that I realised for the past 3 decades in my life, I have been living for other people and never for myself. A nice word to describe this is "Noble/Selfless" but a crude word to decribe this is "STUPID".

I have always been keeping everything to myself, but it seems keeping everything to myself is not the best solution, I begin to behave like a volcano, which may erupt anytime when my secrets starts to "overflow", when there is no space for more. There are times in my life when I feel like digging a hole and hide inside, there are times when I do not feel like doing anything and just want to sleep, there are times in my life when I feel like running away and there are also time in my life I feel like dying. (I am serious about this. I have attempt sucide before)

This blog is created for me to express my true feelings.It's like "Killing 2 birds with 1 stone." I get to express my true feelings and at the same time, nobody would get to know who I am, unless I say so.

Lastly, I also hope that whoever who happen to read my blog and have went through the same experience as me to remain strong because "YOU ARE NOT ALONE."